Salvaged from LiveJournal: February 21st, 2002

mood:  optimistic

Job searching. How I hate it. Blargh.

On the bright side, I decided to let my comic officially lapse into oblivion. There are just too many things I want to do, and I have no idea how much time I'll have once the youngest Michaels puts in an appearance and/or I find a new job.

So of course I have to get inspired and figure out something I can do that will make my comic fun to write again. I have no idea if the Era of Webcomics is over and no one will come back to my strip, but I'm going to try drawing for a while again. Heck, my decisions to stick to a set schedule never seemed to take- why should my decision to quit? But I'm only going to keep it going as long as it's fun. And if it falls behind again, it falls behind. It's really just another creative outlet, so I suppose I don't really mind if no one is reading it.

Salvaged from LiveJournal: February 10th, 2002

mood:  depressed

music: Sarah McLachlan - Surfacing

Why is it that even though I know I don't want to be defined by my job that losing it is such a devastating blow? And also that I really hated it for the last couple of months but I would've much rather been one of the "unfortunate ones" that didn't get the the severance package and they have to show up for work? At least they have jobs in this sucky, sucky job market.

The days of The Man Of The House are gone, but simple economics made me the main provider for my family. My degree got me a higher salary, and my wife will be leaving teaching for a little while (maybe longer?) to give birth to/take care of my not-here-yet son or daughter. So I wish I still had a job I hate rather than be forced to look for a job now. God, I hate looking for work. I hate putting myself up for judgement by another person who may or may not see my potential. I feel like any job I apply for, if I got it I would justify the decision to hire me within 2 months. But it's getting over that initial obstacle that's the real bitch. In all of my on-campus interviewing in 1999, I got 2--count them: two--2nd interviews. Exactly one of them lead to a job offer. It seemed like a good job at the time, but things changed so much. And now I've been laid off from that job anyway.

My managers told me it's not personal, but screw them. I know that the company buying them out handed down a mandate to get all Information Technology out of Chicago and back to NY, but screw them. Short of my wife leaving me, laying me off is one of the most intensely personal things that can happen to me at this point. You're telling me that my skills and knowledge are simply not worth the amount of money you've been giving me. Ever hear of telecommuting? I busted my ass for this company, and I got the boot. Well, screw them.

For anyone overly concerned: don't be. I'll be ok. If I can find some job by May, the layoff package will keep us in food and diapers until then. And I'm not as emotionally unstable as this post may seem. I just needed to vent, and punching the kitchen wall didn't seem to help much. I just felt stupid, and now I have a hole to patch up.

Salvaged from LiveJournal: January 11th, 2002

mood:  lethargic

music: The Celtic channel on Spinner.com

Needed: one weekend.

So it's Friday morning. Boss probably wants me to come into work tomorrow, but that won't be happening. There's a strong rumor that more layoffs are coming on Monday, so I'll be damned if'n I'm working the weekend before getting the boot!

Office Space is becoming less of a comedy and more of a documentary.

Late last night I finally finished painting the nursery. I think it turned out pretty good, with a few reservations. I'll post photos later for those who are interested. Then I vacuumed and steam-cleaned the carpet so we (I) can move all the new furniture (that I've been tripping over in the hallway for the past month) back in. Steam-cleaning carpets at 1:30 AM? It's amazing how liberating it is to not give a damn how awake/productive one is for work the next day.

I'm looking forward to drawing a lot this weekend- I really miss it. I also want to update some on-line photo pages. I've spent my lunch hours this week catching up on strips I haven't seen since November. I missed reading comics, too.

My new snow thrower still sits unused in my garage-- it's even got some tags still on it! There can be no more effective snow repellent than spending $800 on a machine to save one's back from last year's excruciating pain. I guess in that respect, it has worked-- just not in the way I thought it would.

Salvaged from LiveJournal: January 2nd, 2002

Twenty-Oh-Two

The holidays are over- much too quickly. Thanks mostly to (over)work, I feel like I missed most of the holiday season. When I finally was able to take some time off, it was spent running around shopping and visiting family. This was fun, mind you, but none of my holiday plans really "clicked" like i wanted them too. My wife and I were looking forward to hosting a family gathering at our house, which would be the first "official" holiday thing we've done since getting the house. But everyone else's plans seemed to be designed to directly counteract our plans. Oh, well.

We've finally started to get our baby room put together. Wow, is baby furniture expensive! And, for some reason, my wife didn't much care for my idea of letting the baby sleep in the bathtub. In the morning, all that would need to be done is a quick hosing off of the baby, and you're all set! I guess my wife has maternal instincts and stuff.

For those who are interested: I haven't abandoned my comic strip. It's just in an unplanned holiday stasis.

Salvaged from LiveJournal: November 27th, 2001

mood:  determined

music: TV: Saturday Night Live (Hans & Franz)

I've become quite the curmudgeon.

What scares me is how everything I'm reading about my impending fatherhood tells me how much behavior is learned through mimicry. I really don't want to be startled one day a few years down the road by how whiny and critical my child has become.

So when do I start being the person I want to be? Today wasn't a bad start. I was able to drive to the train station this morning and let people pass me at a rate of speed far too great for the road I was on, and all I said was "Wow, I hope she doesn't kill anyone." No expletives, no irrational desire to speed up and cut that person off and leap out of my car to give her a lesson in safe driving practices. I had a fairly crappy day at work, and I was still able to leave at 4:30 with a smile on my face. I stopped by the store to pick up some cat food and litter (input and output!) and I bought my wife a stuffed snowman- just because. Today was actually a good day.

"Live and let live" is a fairly common cliche, but I hope I can live that phrase. I've become far too judgmental. This is a big world, with vast diversity. Why would I think that I know what's best for everyone? I would much rather be the fellow with the bemused grin than the guy seething with frustration at every little thing.