Off.

 I finally get it.

I never really understood why people who were on medication would ever intentionally stop taking them, short of the medication making them feel worse than they did without it.

But what about making them feel less than they did without it?

I've noticed during the past few years that I wasn't crying at movies anymore, even movies that were once guaranteed to make me at least tear up, no matter how many times I'd seen them. I could sense the emotions present in YouTube videos of animals rescued from abusive situations or military personnel surprising their kids by returning from overseas and showing up at some school event. Both of those used to be automatic waterworks triggers but now, nothing.

I missed it. I missed the emotional release of letting tears flow, then gathering myself with a few breaths and moving on.